Chronic illness and pain have become too much!

Last Saturday was a terrible day, and it was inevitable that this would happen. In 3 months life has transformed. My job had become a problem as my walk had now reduced to a hobble, with my left leg doing all the hard work. Capable of four hours work and recovering for three days. The next few days are for building up to the next day of being useful and earning a little extra.

Fatigue has become a bigger issue too. This led me to a visit to my GP who sped up my visit with my neurologist. At this visit he informed me that in his opinion I now have Secondary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis. Within 4 days I was in hospital getting IV steroids, and 1 week later, on Wednesday I was using a FES (Functional Electrical Stimulation) device as physiotherapy to help my right leg.

Too much

This onslaught of diagnosis, new treatments, and my mind creating vistas of spiraling disability became too much. Mental anguish building. Visions of wheelchairs, double incontinence, chronic fatigue and pain causing me to depend on others, and giving nothing in return. Dark. I failed to see a reason to continue a fight that looked like I would ultimately lose. Why?

I was lying on my bed, too tired to read, and my partner came into my room, and asked “How are you?”. Simply replying “I’m tired”. This led to a…