Tears caused my losing my ability

Tears caused by my changing abilities have caused me to reflect on what is happening now. How will I adjust to these losses?

Tears. Driving home on Thursday I could feel my eyes starting to flood. Listening to a podcast about how you had to face your fears I realised that I was in the middle of a whirling vortex of emotions. The trigger was that I had been looking at an electric wheelchair.

Walking with my partner around Connemara has been a constant joy for me. Hand in hand, talking about life, the past, the future. The conversation would meander around our lives. This understanding of each other, I feel, is part of the bond that has been forged by love. In the last year, the walks have become fewer and fewer.

This change is caused by my inability to walk. Short distances are ok. A trip around the grocery shop doesn’t phase me, it is slow and quick. However, a real walk just isn’t possible any more. I am too disabled, and it is a struggle to get my right leg to cooperate. With this reality, I felt that if I had an electric wheelchair, the hour-long walks would return. Even though I am seated, we would be together.

Electric Chair

But this act of using a device to help me move feels like an acceptance of, or giving in to, my disability. I am disabled. I have lost an ability…